Hat tip to Stephen Birmingham over at Your Planet Is Doomed for this important news: it turns out Saddam was behind 9/11 all along! In spite of the conclusions of the 9/11 Commission, the CIA, the DIA, the FBI, and pretty much every intelligence agency and investigative body on earth that has looked into this question, the independent amateur Joseph Shahda has been working tirelessly through the Operation Iraqi Freedom documents trying to find evidence of Saddam’s secret WMD stashes and his al Qaeda connections. Well, he’s finally found something! A “coded” handwritten letter in English from “on or before September 8 2001.” Shahda writes that “The writer of the coded letter is asking Saddam to ‘Nuclear the United States as required and as soon as possible as this is September 2001.’”Well, there you have it — proof positive of the Saddam-9/11 connection that has proved so elusive! And the Senate Select Committee on Intelligence had the temerity to conclude that “there is no evidence that Saddam Hussein had prewar ties to Al Qaeda.” It’s a good thing there are sleuths like Shahda around to show us the truth! Here in this “coded” handwritten letter in English from an unknown “person called Amelia Rovena Guadagno” to Saddam Hussein we finally have proof of Saddam’s plans to “nuclear the United States as required.” The Pentagon thoughtfully included a more legible version of the document so we can read more about Saddam’s evil plans. One thing that is telling is the way the letter is addressed: “Dear President Saddam Hussein (not Gottfried!)” The document also gives a clue to Guadagno’s true identity: “And as of the Commander of the Martians I’m the only one remaining.” There is also important information here about the war in Afghanistan: “Afghanistan is not an Afghan, Patricia Wagner or Curo Martian. Nor is it Antoinette or Annette, Jed Rakoff.” And I’m a little embarrassed to admit that this document reports the following; something I have been telling people myself for a long time:

And just because Arnold S. did a Total Recall based on this article does not mean Naziism of Adolf is the right thing. And just because Sylvester S. did Rocky does not mean the Gottfrieds are Sly’s Salvation of Judge Dredd.

But this part is very significant; it really helps us understand both the terrorist mindset and the true problems America faces:

They finally found the real God and what did they do? They consulted Debra. Now, understand, there are two Debra’s. One is now a blonde still trying to understand who is Commander Shasta, and the other is really Cupid who went on strike even for possibly Macintosh.

Remember, these documents were dumped into the public sphere earlier this year to the cheers of conservatives who believed that they held the secret evidence proving the Bush Administration was right all along about Iraq, even though these documents that have already been searched by the Pentagon and the Office of the National Director of Intelligence for useful information (they apparently believed that career Reaganites like John Negroponte and George Tenet were part of a vast left-wing conspiracy to hide information that vindicated the Bush Administration’s position on Iraq). Joseph Shahda has been working day and night combing through the documents looking for the secret evidence that Negroponte wanted buried in order to further his plans for the ultimate dictatorship of the proletariat. Every time he finds something vaguely suggestive of terrorism or WMDs, he posts it to free republic; his posts have even made right wing rags like the Weakly Standard at times. But this time not even the freepers are biting — the comments are almost unanimously dismissive of the missive, suggesting that the gibberish sounds more like Anne Heche’s space language than a coded letter to Saddam. Better luck next time, Joseph!